She was\nfurious. The man who knocked her down should have given way. He had been\ndrinking too much. He had been in fright, but she had to continue with physical\nproblems. She couldn’t do her job anymore. There were so many things she\ncouldn’t do any more. He said he was sorry. But what good was it to her? She\ndidn’t get her life back with that. It was unforgivable.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
It took me\na long time before I could look at myself in the mirror again, because of the\nmistakes I made in my life. Life went on, of course. But there was a wound deep\nwithin me. I blamed myself. And I blamed others for not stopping me or having\npushed me. I accused others, but that didn’t help. It made me feel more alone\nand misunderstood. I was ashamed and hardly dared taking about my big mistakes.\nI could no longer open up to others. Which prevented me from repairing the\nrelationships that had suffered from my mistakes. My mistakes seemed\nunforgivable.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
When others\nmake mistakes that greatly affect our lives, we can hold a grudge. It is not\ncalled “hold” for nothing, because it is a feeling that we carry\nclose. And of course there are mistakes, which are very serious. What we really\nsuffer from, daily. That should not have happened, and yet happened.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
And when we\nmake mistakes ourselves, causing harm to others which doesn\u2019t not fit the\nperson we want to be, deep shame can become part of our lives. As if we no\nlonger deserve that others love us, want to be associated to us. And it may be\nthat the damage we inflicted is great. That others will be shaped by this for\nthe rest of their lives.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Resentment\nand shame are emotional prisons. We are caught in it and are missing important\naspects of life. We can no longer be open, no longer enjoy. We repel others,\nbecause we have turned inwards, or keep repeating ourselves about the injustice\nthat has happened to us. We carry resentment or shame with us and it costs us\nso much energy, it sucks up our attention. Our thoughts keep going back and\nthere seems to be no escape. We put our lives on hold. Meanwhile, life\ncontinues, for us and the other person. The other person, who was the victim\nand the other person, who was the perpetrator.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
There is a\nway out of this prison. And that is the choice to forgive. You and\/or the other\nperson. Not because what happened has been undone, because that is not\npossible. Forgiveness means giving up all hope of a better past (Lily Tomlin).\nNor is forgiveness the same as forgetting. Life has taught you a lesson and it\nis wise to take that lesson with you. A lesson that not everyone can be\ntrusted, that life is unjust, that loss is part of life or that we all make\nmistakes, small mistakes and big mistakes. Nor is forgiveness pretending it\nnever happened. You would sell yourself short, because you have experienced it,\nit is part of your life and who you are.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
By\nforgiving you break through the power that a perpetrator has over you. Someone\nelse or the critical voice in yourself. That power is that you bear the\nnegative consequences. And while you can’t put all of the consequences aside,\nlike physical consequences if you are physically hurt, you can change the\nemotional consequences. By letting go of your grudge, or shame. By granting\nyourself that you can continue with your life. Forgiveness is a liberation for\nyou. It means that you can open up again, that you can participate again. That\nyou can look yourself in the eye again and see a person. A person who deserves\nlove, who is whole, who is worthwhile. Nothing else is needed and there is no\nother way than to make this choice. Allow yourself this liberation.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
A burden\nhas fallen from my shoulders when I realized that I may forgive myself. My wish\nis that you can have that too.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
She was furious. The man who knocked her down should have given way. He had been drinking too much. He had been in fright, but she had to continue with physical problems. She couldn’t do her job anymore. There were so many things she couldn’t do any more. He said he was sorry. But what […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":1668,"parent":0,"menu_order":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","template":"","meta":{"footnotes":""},"class_list":["post-1669","page","type-page","status-publish","has-post-thumbnail","hentry"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.actcursus.nl\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/pages\/1669","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.actcursus.nl\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/pages"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.actcursus.nl\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/page"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.actcursus.nl\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.actcursus.nl\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=1669"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/www.actcursus.nl\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/pages\/1669\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":1670,"href":"https:\/\/www.actcursus.nl\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/pages\/1669\/revisions\/1670"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.actcursus.nl\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/media\/1668"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.actcursus.nl\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=1669"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}