Stress is of\nall times, but certainly now many people experience a lot of stress regularly.\nLife as we knew it has changed dramatically. Our routines have been disrupted.\nEvery day requires adjustments, small or large. Under pressure we have to learn\nnew skills. And generally, we manage. But sometimes stress peaks.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
When stress\nis high, we are encouraged to flee, fight or freeze. Thinking and acting\nlogically is more difficult. These are automatic processes that take place\nlargely outside our consciousness. If a lion is chasing you, it is great that this\nautomated behavior increases your chance of survival. But now the threats are\ninvisible: a virus, infection, financial insecurity, social isolation. And that\nwhich calms and offers us comfort, being with someone in person, is only\npossible to a very limited extent.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
It means\nthat you see yourself doing things that you may be ashamed of or bothered by:\nYou lash out to your partner or children, you cannot bring yourself to do\nsomething useful, you eat more than is good for you , you are emotional without\nalways knowing what you are feeling, you can no longer find peace. In such\ncases, as if it wasn\u2019t difficult enough, self-criticism puts its head around\nthe door: “you are so unkind, lazy, selfish, weak, etc., etc.”<\/p>\n\n\n\n
My\nself-critical voice thinks I should do more for others. “Go shopping for\npeople who can’t do that themselves,” she says. And I agree with her, but\nI don’t do it. “Egoist,” she says to me. She’s gagging my throat.\nOnly when I manage to take some distance and take her less seriously, I see\nthat I have worked hard in recent years and have taken little free time. That\nthis period offers me the opportunity to recover a bit. And that there are\nother ways to be meaningful. That I can be kind to myself.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Being kind\nto yourself is not that easy. It starts with allowing yourself to have needs\nand allowing yourself to meet those needs. Can you see yourself as human among humans,\njust as vulnerable, with the same emotions and with the same needs as others?\nCan you give yourself what you need: peace, understanding, a kind word? Can you\naccept that you make mistakes, right now, now that the stress makes it so much\nharder to do it right? Can you look yourself in the eye, with\ncompassion?<\/p>\n\n\n\n
The\nfollowing exercise may help you with that. It is based on an exercise from the\nbook “A liberated mind” by Steven Hayes. (a book worth reading if you\nwould like to know more about Acceptance and Commitment Therapy and how it can\nhelp you deal with the difficult sides of life)<\/p>\n\n\n\n
To do this\nexercise, you could record your own voice so that you can listen to the instructions\nafterwards. Read the instructions calmly in a gentle, relaxed voice. Pause for\na moment after each sentence and pause a little longer between two paragraphs.\nSit or lie down in a position that is comfortable and alert. Alert means that\nyou can keep focus. It works well for many people to sit upright, with feet\nflat on the floor and hands on the chair, or in your lap. Comfortable means you\nhave to be able to keep it up for a while. Try to sit or lie as relaxed as\npossible, but not so relaxed that you (almost) fall asleep. In the exercise you\nwill focus your attention inward. In order not to be distracted by what is\nhappening around you, it is helpful to be in a quiet place where you will not\nbe disturbed. It also helps to focus your gaze on 1 point and keep it there, or\nclose your eyes. However, you start with your eyes open.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cNotice\nsomething you can see. It doesn’t have to be anything special, look at\nsomething and take the time to see it. Notice that you are seeing. See your own\nseeing. Now notice that you can touch something, touch it and notice how it\nfeels. Notice that you feel. \u2018See\u2019 your own feeling. Then close your eyes, if\nyou like, and notice something you can hear. Notice that you are listening. \u2018See\u2019\nyour own hearing. While you notice that you notice, touch for a moment that you\nare the one who notices. You are there behind your eyes and ears and in your\nskin, to notice.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
(pause)<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Think back\nto how you looked into the eyes of someone you know well and who cares about\nyou. That can be a good friend, a partner, a loved one, a child. Maybe in real\nlife, you wouldn’t be looking in their eyes as long as in this exercise, but\nnow imagine it’s okay to look at each other for a long time. Imagine the other\nperson’s eyes and look at them.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
As you\nremember what it is like to look into these eyes, notice that not only did you\nsee someone’s eyes, but you saw them as they saw you. To experience what that\nis like, imagine you would look at yourself from behind the eyes of the other\nperson. Take a moment to notice what your face looks like, and then see your\neyes looking.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
These eyes\nthat you are looking at now, your eyes, are also aware. Your eyes see the other\nperson looking at them. See if you can see that consciousness in your own eyes.\nThe eyes you imagine are not just objects we call “eyes.” You see\neyes, that see. See if you can see that, if you can notice that. And when you\nsee that, go back behind your own eyes. Now you are back in\n“yourself”, looking at someone’s eyes, looking at you.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
(pause)<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Get behind\nthe eyes of the other person again and see yourself. Feel the love and\naffection this person feels for you. Feel this love in the eyes with which you\nlook yourself in the eye. Feel how you, being this person, look at you and see\na whole person. A person with mistakes and flaws. Look from behind the eyes of\nthis person and see someone who is allowed to be exactly as you are. You may\nnotice that your self-critical voice presents itself and tells you why you are\nnot worthy of that love. Maybe it feels awkward, uncomfortable and even a\nlittle tense. Don’t let that stop you from seeing yourself through the loving\neyes of the person opposite you.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
(pause)<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Return\nbehind your own eyes, that look into the eyes of the other person, opposite\nyou. See in those eyes the love and acceptance of who you are. Open yourself to\nthat look. Notice being seen with loving eyes.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
(pause)<\/p>\n\n\n\n
If you want, you can switch perspective a few times. Sit for a while behind the eyes of the person opposite you and experience the love with which you look. And then return behind your own eyes and experience the love with which you are seen. Decide for yourself when you want to end the exercise. You can do this, for example, by zooming out and looking at the image in which you see yourself and the other person, looking at each other, both with loving eyes. Imagine that you end the exercise together by thanking each other for the exercise. Maybe by a nod, or a hug. Do it in your own way. Then bring your attention back to yourself in your own room.”<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
Stress is of all times, but certainly now many people experience a lot of stress regularly. Life as we knew it has changed dramatically. Our routines have been disrupted. Every day requires adjustments, small or large. Under pressure we have to learn new skills. And generally, we manage. But sometimes stress peaks. When stress is […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":1563,"parent":0,"menu_order":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","template":"","meta":{"footnotes":""},"class_list":["post-1562","page","type-page","status-publish","has-post-thumbnail","hentry"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.actcursus.nl\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/pages\/1562","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.actcursus.nl\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/pages"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.actcursus.nl\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/page"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.actcursus.nl\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.actcursus.nl\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=1562"}],"version-history":[{"count":2,"href":"https:\/\/www.actcursus.nl\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/pages\/1562\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":1574,"href":"https:\/\/www.actcursus.nl\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/pages\/1562\/revisions\/1574"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.actcursus.nl\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/media\/1563"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.actcursus.nl\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=1562"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}